When someone shares that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, or pansexual, they are sharing their sexual orientation. Sexual orientation refers to the gender or genders someone is sexually attracted to. It is important to recognize that someone’s sexual orientation is not their choice. Saying “sexual preference” implies that the individual has a choice of who they are or are not attracted to. For many, this is not the case.
A person’s sexual orientation is their reality- it’s their life and their true feelings. A preference would be like asking someone if they prefer chocolate or vanilla ice cream. You may like both chocolate and vanilla ice cream, but at that moment, you get to choose which flavor of ice cream you’d like to have. A person’s sexual orientation does not work like that. For instance, a woman who is lesbian and is sexually attracted to other females does not choose the preference of other females over males. Being sexually attracted to someone of her same gender is her sexual orientation- her reality and her truth.
However, it’s important to note that sometimes, a person who is bisexual or pansexual may have “preferences” of who they tend to be attracted to or which gender they prefer to be with. Nevertheless, their preferences do not change their sexual orientation of being sexually attracted to both men and women and/or being attracted to a person regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
LGBTQ+ Scenario #3
By yourself or with a partner, read the following scenario and discuss the follow-up questions.
Brandon: Hey, did you hear about Jackson?
Vince: Yeah, he’s pretty brave for coming out to everyone in the band!
Brandon: He’s got guts! I don’t know if I could ever choose that path like he did.
Vince: What do you mean?
Brandon: Well, you know! He prefers to date other guys so he chose to come out as gay!
Vince: Actually, Jackson being attracted to other guys is his sexual orientation. That orientation isn’t his choice.
Brandon: Oh, I sort of thought sexual orientation and sexual preference were the same thing. Like that anyone who is gay or lesbian chooses to be because that’s what they prefer. But you’re telling me that that’s not the case. Would you mind explaining to me more the difference between sexual orientation and sexual preference? I’m still a little confused.
>If you were Vince, how would you respond to Brandon? What would you say to help him understand the difference between sexual orientation and sexual preference?
>What do you like about how Brandon responded when he learned that something he previously thought to be true was actually not true? What can we learn from Brandon’s response about being more open-minded?
Download Learn More About: Sexual Orientation vs. Sexual Preference (English) here.